A message from the unlikely stranger

I need to write this down before any of this fades from my memory.  I doubt it will anytime soon but what I encountered today was nothing short of a direct message to me from God. 

I have NEVER had anything close to this experience and I hope to again at some point in my life at just the right time like today.

If you know ME and my family then some of what I am going to say you already know but I have to explain what has happened to ME and my family in order for you to understand the profound impact a chance encounter with a stranger made on me today.

Mike and I have been struggling to add to our family for about 2 1/2 years now.  Little did we know that that first miscarriage that ended up turning into a ruptured ectopic would turn into heartache after heartache and medical drama after drama that would end on October 16 with our 6th and final miscarriage and the end to any chance of being able to carry another child of our own.  I sucked it up like the others and kept my tears to myself.  But unlike before I got angry.  I did EVERYTHING I was supposed do and it was a waste of time.  A waste of a year of cleaning up my health, cutting out processed foods, adding supplement after supplement to get my messed up body healthy.  A waste of sticking myself in the stomach with a shot of blood thinners to give this baby a chance, and us a chance at another baby.  For what?  NOTHING.   For seeing Michael and him asking for a brother or sister and not being able to give him one.  For him asking about the baby in my belly and telling him AGAIN that the baby decided to go back home.  For feeling like a failure as a woman for not being able to have another baby no matter what intervention we tried.   For understanding what a true MIRACLE Michael is to us for there is no reason I should have been able to carry him, but I did and I have a 5 year old son who I love with every ounce of my being.

Anyone buying a home knows the stress involved.   Until the papers are signed anything and everything could go wrong.  We haven't had the best of luck so I hold no hope of that changing.

Losing my sister "unexpectedly" but not really RIGHT after the traumatic loss of our little girl and the medical nightmare I faced and having to have emergency surgery.   Although Jennifer's death wasn't a total shock, the impact on me will remain with me for the remainder of my mortal life.  The anger I have with myself for the argument that lead to us not speaking for almost a year and the regret I will have.   For the anger I have at my sister for her death.  For the anger I have at her Doctor for his part in her death.    And for the peace I still need to find in losing my sister.

Something as "small" as Michael breaking his tooth.   I know it wasn't done on purpose and I know he is only 5 years old and I am sure it was scary at the dentist and he didn't know what was happening or going to happen.  For reaching my breaking point of stress with being told Michael needed to go into Children's Hospital and be put under to have his tooth fixed.  For letting Michael see me cry as I figure out how we are going to handle the purchase of a home AND now pay thousands of dollars to pay for a broken tooth.

Today after work, I had to stop and get gas.  I was on fumes.  There is a gas station right on the corner by my work.  I have NEVER stopped there before.  It's kinda ghetto and I just honestly just never felt safe.  But today I stopped.   I had just started filling up and kind of just making a mental note of my surroundings.  There was a young black male approaching me.  "oh great," I thought "he wants to sell me something".     I couldn't have been more wrong.

This young man, who I had NEVER seen before, didn't know him for anyone else there at the gas station told me that he was prompted to come talk to me.  That I needed to know that everything with the house was going to be fine and work out.  He told me that god knows everything I have been through recently and he has never left me.  He understands the pain in my heart and that there is a plan and a purpose.  He then asked me if I had any children.  He said that all the medical concerns that just came up will all be fine and that your son would be ok.  And that God understood the pain I have been going through about the loss of "your children" has been a hard burden on me and my soul.

But that I needed to know that God knows all this and God has NEVER left me.  That the Holy Ghost is here and is watching over me.   

By this point, I am trying to hold my composure because I am speechless, stunned and the cynic in me is checking to make sure my car is locked and I am still aware of my surroundings.

He takes my hand and prays.  Again saying things that there is NO WAY he should know.  NO WAY.  I am in tears.

I tell him he has no idea, NO IDEA what impact he has just had on me.  That these words were what my heart has needed to hear.

I have NEVER experienced anything like this EVER in my life.  I never thought I was worthy or good enough.  I never thought my heart and soul would be open to experience this kind of feeling like God was talking to me through this young man.

That my heartache and struggles WERE seen and that he knew that my soul needed this young man to step outside of himself and come talk to a sad looking woman filling up her car with gas on a cold Wednesday night in Dallas, Texas.