Round 2

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse.
This whole experience of losing this baby has been so hard on me emotionally and physically.
As of right now emotionally, I am doing as well as you can expect.  I am still angry at losing the baby and ANGRY that there are no answers.  I thought I did everything right and I still lost the baby.  There will always be a part of me that will blame myself.
On Monday 3/12 to put a "!" on the end of this whole nightmare, my body decided I needed to go into labor.  Yep, full on LABOR!   I wasn't feeling good over the weekend (3/10-11) and when I got to work Monday, I just felt "off"  by 930am I was having bad stomach cramps.  By 10am, I was on the phone with my OB begging for stronger drugs.   They had me rush in.  Smart on their part.
By the time I got to their office, I was bleeding pretty bad and the "cramps" were every 60 seconds.  Didn't even dawn on me that I might be in LABOR.  Back into an exam room and the doctor comes in.
I am dialated to a 10 and she tells me I am in labor.   WHAT THE HELL?????
I have just had a RARE complication of having a D&C.  Instead of expelling the blood from the D&C my body decided I needed to keep it for some reason.  I had formed a huge blood clot trapped in my uterus, which is apparently what I was attempting to give BIRTH to. I am also the 2nd person in my dr's 15 year practice she has had this happen to. I love to be unique - OK, not this time.
I could either take these special pills that would hopefully fix the problem, or go into emergency surgery.  PAINFUL CONTRACTION - yeah, I am going into surgery.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
The blood clot was the size of a closed fist. 
Best of all, my boss was out for spring break and it's her and I in the department.  I was a little freaked out. 
I made it back to work on Wednesday 3/14.  EXHAUSTED.  I have never felt so tired in all my life.
I make a declaration right here and now that my WHITE flag is officially up!   I can't take anymore physically and emotionally.    Monday was worse for me than losing the baby.  I had a scheduled C-Section with Michael so I have never experienced labor before.  I don't like it.  There was NOTHING to gain by what happened on Monday. 
If I am blessed to have another child I will happily give birth via- SCHEDULED c-section. 

The only reason I am able to function is because of this little boy.  My husband has been so supportive, but Michael has made me want to keep fighting and keep TRYING.
I LOVE you my Mr. Booglers!